The Office of

Non-Compliance Association

www.officemisery.com

   New Position Listing

 Staff Incompetence Manager 

Note: In this position you will also be carrying out most duties of the Director of corruptive affairs. The Director is usually never to be found and highly oblivious to office relations

Duties as follows

-         You will report directly to the Director of  Corruptive Affairs, (if and when the Director can

          be found). The office Informant specialist I will act as your assistant.

-         Employee confidentiality holds no bearings with this managerial position.

-         Micro-manage and keep employees overwhelmed with unrealistic deadlines so they won't feel

          obligated to make frequent restroom visits, breaks, take lunch, or have time to blink unnecessary.

-         Get familiarized with an eager to please employee that will keep you abreast with the latest

          office un-confirmed reports.

-         Pry your subordinates for personal information so you can use it against them later on.

-         Distribute all work duties disproportionately among your subordinate employees in

          conjunction with distributing your own managerial responsibilities and taking the credit.       

-         Search employee work areas frequently and implant  'bugging' devices in each employee's cubicle,

          trash can, the restrooms, hallways, break room, and the employee parking lot.

-         When unsure of leadership ability, periodically humiliate employees in front of their colleagues.   

-         Always walk around the office at a fast pace with papers in your hand to present the illusion

          of being productive.

-         Detain and meagerly handout all company office supplies as if they were your own property.

-         Encourage bickering, distrust and back biting among all subordinates in the office.

-         Always achieve partial and unfair decisions when dealing with employee interpersonal disputes.

-         When it's a pay day and the company can not meet the payroll, after you distribute the invalid

          checks or pay stubs, you may take the rest of the afternoon off and join the Director.   

 Qualifications 

 -       Incurable urges to delegate and micro-manage.

 -       Must be proficient in using reverse psychology methods.

 -       Keen ability to compose erroneous reasons to terminate employees.

 -       Arrogance, sarcasm and having a condescending attitude is a plus.

 -       Lack of Human compassion.

 -       Never take ownership to mistakes or errors.

 -       Ability to blame shift in a single bound.

 -       Delusions of  adequacy.

 -       Paranoia and insecurity.

 -       Must suffer from "I never thought I'd get this far in life".

Educational Requirements

-        None ever needed. However,  you will always be visibly paranoid about people finding this secret out.

Benefit packages

If you qualify for this position, you more than likely have a difficult time at home controlling your kids and getting respect from your spouse. Therefore, this position will give you a sense of control by tormenting and humiliating grown people. This alone will bring significance to  your trivial and pathetic reality.