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The Office of
Non-Compliance
Association
www.officemisery.com
New
Position Listing
Informant
Specialist I (Unclassified
position)
This
is a new unclassified position that will be replacing the former unclassified
position of "Office news carrier".
Duties as follows
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Transmit solicited and unsolicited information about daily office
on-goings to management.
-
Inconspicuously obtain and if needed distort pertinent information that
would harm the reputations of
other colleagues.
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Keep account of all colleagues regarding punctuality, restroom visits,
internet surfing, personal phone
calls and any other illegitimate factors that
can be reported to management.
-
Befriend and interrogate new office employees.
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Initiate and maintain office distrust among employees, management and
staff.
- You will work in hand with the
office janitor/custodial worker. This individual usually has expertise in
performing these exact duties as well. They will stand in for you when you're
out of the office.
-
Perform other related duties and task as assigned by encouraging management.
Qualifications
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Perfect hearing and perfect peripheral vision
-
Trilingual and Pig Latin speakers preferred.
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Keen ability to distort facts and embellish fiction.
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Unhappiness and dissatisfaction with personal life.
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Unrewarding childhood.
-
Deep inferiority complex.
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Ability to grin with teeth and pass it off as a smile.
Educational Requirements
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B.S. degree in envy
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PhD. in gossiping
Benefit packages
None. This is an unclassified and exempt position only.
If you meet most of the qualifications and requirements needed, this would be a
pleasurable and self-fulfilling position for you regardless. However, depending
on which participating management you choose to supply, you may in fact be able
to receive minor insignificant fringe benefits until management no longer has
use for your services.
Note:
There are no official records of this position in the company’s Human Resources
office. If you feel you meet the qualifications and you would like to apply,
interviews will be accepted on a daily basis by management
until further notice on legitimizing this position.
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