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The Office of
Non-Compliance
Association
Office Humor and Satire
www.OfficeMisery.com
Office Coercion Administrator IV
This classified
position will be replacing the former unclassified position of the
"Work place bully".
Duties as follows
- Observe and evaluate all your
colleagues and choose one or two to be your
victim/s.
(Choosing one is recommended,
preferably a new employee who seems to be liked by
others in the office and who would more likely become irreplaceable and more proficient
than
you).
-
Make obvious attempts to intimidate your victim with circuitous
name-calling, personal insults and office file tampering which would implicate
him or her as being negligent.
- Progressively induce provocation on your victim with removing or knocking
items off their desk, bumping into them in hallways, restricting their exits out
of rooms and threats of more violence in or out the work area.
- Must
also be able to work overtime if you spot your victim outside the office, after
work or on weekends.
-
If
your victim reports you, quickly
construct an alter frame-up
scenario which would implicate your victim (missing funds, missing files, breach
of confidentiality etc). This would distract the negative attention your
victim brought on you while damaging their credibility. Use outside forces if necessary.
-
Always maintain work objective, which is to lead
the victim to ultimate termination and therapy.
Qualifications
-
Experience
as a schoolyard bully or tormenting others from childhood.
-
Must be belligerent, argumentative and conniving.
-
Ability to create manifestations in your mind
that your victim is the one out to get you.
- Must
have the talent to persuade others by telling them your victim is crazy
and imaging things.
-
Insecurity and unsure feelings about your value
within the company is also a plus.
-
Unhappiness and dissatisfaction with personal life, personal appearance,
childhood and marriage.
- Financial assets incase your victim decides to sue you personally and
rightfully win.
Educational
Requirements
-
A. A. Degree (
Agitating
Antagonist )
Benefit packages
In the event your victim sues the company for incompetence and employment
negligence, you will not be financially responsible in most cases. In fact the
company will secretly settle with your victim out of court for little to nothing
and grant you a promotion to hide the guilt as if nothing happened. This is done
in case any of your past victims
want to come forward and pursuit a court case as well.
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