Employee Bulletin

Dear Staff,

We still hope that everyone enjoyed the New-Year office party last week. Let us all look forward to another shining and prosperous New-Year for our company and the CEO’s.  We would also like to thank all employees who participated with the mandatory monetary contributions for the party.

However, we would also like to take this time to point out our disappointment towards the employees who did not make adequate monetary contributions. Therefore, we give our apologies to the rest of the office staff who were not able to enjoy themselves that evening because of this.  Particularly those who were monitoring and busy being disgusted by those very people, who obviously consumed more than their contributing share.  Thank you again for your cooperation and support.

Staff Incompetence Manager - The Office of Non-Compliance Association.

Dear Office Staff,
 
A few months ago, it came to our attention that a particular “eighty nine year old” employee has been making constant errors and enabling miscommunication  due to possible hard of hearing and forgetfulness. Not to mention leaving the rest of you with the burden of correcting errors and having to verbally repeat yourselves all day. Knowing this, we have made several attempts to rectify this situation by handing out retirement pamphlets to everyone in the office without showing bias. Despite our efforts, recently we were still startled with an age discrimination lawsuit-threat by one of our employees (not calling any name).
 
Therefore, we regret to inform those of you who initially brought this concern to our attention, that we will be dividing this particular employee’s office duties and we will be assigning them out for each of you to facilitate. 
We apologies for this inconvenience knowing many of you are already over-whelmed with your initial duties in this office. However, this must be done to show good faith during possible litigation, even at our expense (as your staff manager, I’m forced to pitch in also).  Let us all make this particular employee’s fortunate employment less stressed, effortless and guilt-free on their behalf as possible. Ignoring the fact that they are taking a salary from someone else in need while they’re also collecting social security benefits and a full retiree pension from a previous employment elsewhere.
 
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Let us all try to stick this out together while we desperately hope this inconvenience might relieve itself naturally in a few more years or so.
 
Sincerely,
Staff Incompetence Manager  - The Office of Non-Compliance Association

Dear Staff,

Please be advised, we are still conducting an investigation in hopes of locating the allegedly missing  bouquet of roses.  “Suzy” in cubicle B-12 claims that on the 15th (day after Valentine’s), a  flower shop deliverer must  have dropped off a bouquet of roses for her because she did not receive any on the day before.   However, at this time no one seems to know any information regarding said roses, or even coming in contact with a flower shop deliverer on the 15th.  We would appreciate if anyone with information come forward.

Thank you for your cooperation,

- Staff Incompetence Manager,    The Office of Non-Compliance Association

Dear Staff,

All monies will be collected no later than Friday and will be used to hire a temp to complete John’s work assignments. Let’s also wish John a speedy recovery due to the staggering amount of paper work that’s accumulating daily. Thank you in advance for your support.

- Staff Incompetence Manager,   The Office of Non-Compliance Association